Losing Her Mind
by Miah-Chan
Summary: OCxKai. -He- was gone. That’s why she was like this. He was gone and had been for nearly a year before anyone had come out and told her about it. With her trust betrayed and her heart shattered, she’d run and had slowly become lost to everyone...


Alrighty then, this is gonna be one of my weirder fics...it's just something that popped into my head the other day...I felt like doing an angesty fic so, here ya go. XD

**Disclaimer:** I don't own any Beyblade characters. Just the idea and my OC.

**A/N:** Characters may seem a bit OOC in this, but not too badly. Oh, and I suppose everyone would be around...um, 23-25ish in this fic?

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**::.:: Losing (Her Mind) ::.::**

She was lost. Both physically and mentally. It was raining and she didn't even feel it as it pounded her towards the concrete sidewalk. The thunder roared with rage in her ears but she couldn't hear it. Lightening flashed warning signals for everyone to stay inside but she ignored it dumbly. Her mind was void of anything but a thick fog whenever she tried to think a coherent thought and her once bright golden eyes were duller than they had ever been with unbearable sadness. She had no choice really, unless she really wanted to become completely insane.

He was gone. That's why she was like this. _He_ was gone and had been for nearly a year before anyone had come out and told her about it. With her trust betrayed and her heart shattered, she'd run and had slowly become lost to everyone.

Unfortunately, this wasn't the only incident that had brought this sorrow upon the young woman. Her brother, her older brother, was also gone. Not gone, six-feet-under gone, but rather away from her. Being away from him for more than a month was painful to her, though she had rarely shown it before, but this was even worse. Their village in China—the White Tiger Village—had come around to their time of picking a new village Elder and Leader for themselves almost two years ago. They had chosen her brother, Rei Kon. A wise choice, yes indeed, but heartbreaking for the two siblings. It wasn't that Rei hadn't wanted to accept—he had, happily and honored—but when he heard of his first assignment as Elder that had been given to him by the wiser, his heart had broken. After all, once you accepted the job, there was no turning back. And you always had to complete the first assignment given to you.

He'd had to banish his sister from ever returning to their village.

At first she'd thought he'd been joking, even though the look of pure seriousness was grimly etched on his face. She'd laughed nervously and brushed him off, scoffing. But when he grabbed her wrist and looked in her eyes, repeating the sentence, she knew he wasn't joking. The pain was evident in his eyes and she could almost feel his heart breaking with hers as he murmured quietly, but firmly, "_You are no longer welcome in the White Tiger Village. As Elder, and with absolute agreement from the wiser, we banish you, Miah Marie Kon, from this village for the rest of your days. Leave now and do not return._"

Long ago, tears had burned the female neko-jins caramel eyes when regarding that time, with such ferocity it scared her. But that was long ago and since then her tears had dried leaving her numb to feeling anything about that incident. She had attempted many a time to get in touch with her beloved brother, but every time it was without avail and she was shunned down with the hatred of her village. It was because of something that had happened a long time ago, when she had been a champion beyblader alongside the rest of her teammates and brother. First it had been because of the fact she'd been overcome with an evil bitbeast, thus causing her village to call her a demon behind her back though she knew about it. Secondly came the main reason she was hated and despised. Her bitbeast had been another prize of the village just as Driger, her brother's bitbeast, was. Flamin' Driger was just as prized as her brother Tiger and to say it had greatly upset the Elder's when she'd lost Flamin' would be an enormous understatement.

The last World Championships had caused her to let her loving bitbeast go. She'd been battling to her limits and beyond when she'd lost—not shamefully mind you—and had allowed her bitbeast free from any more pain. It had been her choice to set Flamin' free and she knew eventually it would come back and bite her in the ass; but she had done it with love and at the time had said screw honor to the Elder. She knew now what it had cost her—with their beloved bitbeast gone it seemed only fair to them to take away the only firm thing in her life and that was Rei.

After almost two years, the hatred for the village had eased and since turned to pity and sympathy for the naïve people. She knew one day, as Elder, Rei would break free of the wiser and come back to her, even if it meant banishing himself. She knew she'd see him again, no matter what. And that gave her heart a little of the comfort she'd needed to make it through the years…until now.

Now it was different. _He_ was gone—her only other rock to cling to, her only other ground to stand upon without fear. Without him, there was nothing left. Not faith, not hope, not life and certainly not love. Her heart was no longer beating, as was his; her mind was no longer comprehending anything, such was his; and her life was no longer worth the living, as his was taken cruelly and unfairly. With him, her life had also ended as cruelly and unforgiving as the men who had taken him down without warning.

_Kai Hiwatari._

At one time the name would have been hot on her tongue, fire in her eyes as she declared hate towards him. At one time just the mention of him would cause her to turn her back on your words and tune you out. At one time, the two of them had hated each other with a passion, a passion so strong no moron was fool enough to get involved when their words pushed buttons. At one time…

At one time, that passion had changed, quickly and undeniably into the love they had shared. They didn't know how it happened, or why, or even when, but it had and they had both come to acknowledge the fact that their hearts bled for each other, fiercer than any hatred they'd bore towards one another before. And so, by a strange and unlikely twist of Fate herself, the two teens had fallen in love.

Miah allowed a small, humorless smirk to come to her lips, not even reaching her eyes. It was ironic, she figured, how strongly they'd loved each other, how strongly they'd needed the other. And then when the day came that he'd just up and left her, that was ironic too, because somewhere deep down, she knew he'd still loved her and she had still loved him, even if she claimed to once again despise him for betraying her as he had. It was undeniable; their love was too strong for hate to once again block out the feelings. So she had allowed him to go, knowing one day he'd return.

He had said so, in a way, once after bed when she'd snuggled up to his chest, enjoying the warmth and comfort it held. She remembered his words like he'd said them yesterday, though it had been years since. "_You know I'll always love you, Koneko. Even if I were to somehow walk away from you, without warning, I would still love you. I'm unable to feel anything else towards you, even thousands of miles away. It'll never change._" She'd been too light-headed with sleep to fully comprehend his words meaning, and had merely nodded her agreement, then had fallen into a peaceful slumber.

She'd woken and he had been gone.

The smirk died on her lips and her eyes lost the shine of memories they'd been holding for the past few seconds. It was cold and it was sleeting now, the icy slush like needles on her numbed skin. Still, she kept walking. She didn't care anymore; she could die out here and be buried six feet under the snow and ice for weeks before anyone found her. She just didn't care. Since Kai was…gone…she had no reason to care anymore. Had she been in any sense of normality she'd have been scolding and slapping herself for her self-pity. It wasn't like her at all. But she wasn't like that anymore. Her mind was dead and bare, and she had finally cracked to the point of where dying felt better than living in the hell she'd been dropped into without mercy.

Slowly her feet stopped and she forced herself to look up to where they'd led her. Tall, brown rusty gates that may have once been black and shiny towered over her tiny frame with a sense of forbidding. Behind them stood rows and rows of dark stones, almost seeming to grow out of the many feet of snow. There was an old wooden sign that hung, decaying, over the gates. It read:

"Kladbishche"

The Russian word for cemetery. Miah stared at it a moment, before forcing her feet to move again and shoving her way through the gates. The snow crunched softly beneath her feet, and for a moment the icy sleet went unfelt by her as she made her way down the paths and through the graves towards one. She didn't know how she knew where she was going, but she did and soon she reached it.

There in Russian, was the name "Kai Hiwatari" with all the necessities. Underneath she could make out a few more Russian words that read "Rest In Peace Phoenix." And under that a small carving of a phoenix rising from the flames and ashes.

A small sob broke its way through the young woman's throat and before she knew it her hot tears were mixing with the icy snow as she cried her heart out.

How dare they keep this from her? She should have been one of the first to know and instead she'd been the last! And what did they know, putting that stupid little picture beneath the words? A Phoenix was supposed to _rise_ from the ashes, not stay dead! As much as she tried to reason with herself, she'd always called him by the nickname of "Phoenix" purposely for that reason—for the knowing that he too, could rise from the ashes as his bitbeast had. Dranzer and he had been so alike. Perhaps, of course, she should have known it was impossible, but that little hope had still been there when she'd been told. Now though, it too was shattered into pieces too small for even the most skilled to fix.

She dropped to her knees, hugging herself tightly as racking sobs shook her body even more than the wind ever could. She shivered, finally noticing just how freezing she was. With that hope gone, just what was there to look for?

She sat there with the snow building up around her by the minuets, shaking silently as she finally managed to overcome her sobs. Maybe she'd just stay here…it was beginning to look comfortable anyway…and suddenly she was terribly tired of trying. Allowing her eyes to slip shut slowly, she fell forward towards the tombstone.

Suddenly strong, warm arms caught her and held her shivering form close. She moaned and looked up, seeing slate hair and crimson eyes staring down at her. "K-Kai?" she stuttered softly, starring through narrowed eyes as the snow flashed in her eyes. There came a sigh and a soft, "Afraid not _itoshii_.(Darling; beloved) Just me." Realizing her eyes had played tricks on her, she finally saw the striking red hair and icy blue eyes that stared down at her with concern and worry.

Tala Valkov.

Miah bit her lip and tried to keep back the tears. "Tala…" "What are you _doing_ out here? Don't you know you've been walking through a blizzard since you got here?" he scolded gently, still holding her. She leaned against him and nodded dumbly, murmuring, "I'm sorry Wolf, I just…I had to see." She sensed the red-haired Russian nod and he mumbled, "Yeah…" They stayed silent a moment before the neko-jin's lower lip trembled again. "Why didn't anyone tell me Tala?"

The crystal-eyed man didn't answer at first, trying to find words of comfort, but of truth as well. "We didn't think you would be able to handle it then. Not that we thought you were weak or anything, unable to handle the news, but moreover the fact we thought that with his death and everyone leaning for support on broken others, you would crumble quicker than anyone. We didn't want to loose you too…now that thought seems very selfish of us, but you know how much we all love you…we just couldn't bare loosing you along with Kai." Miah sniffed and nodded weakly. "It…it's alright, I suppose. I can understand. But…I just wish…you had told me sooner, perhaps a few months afterwards or something, you know?" "We were still torn then…and again, we didn't want to loose you as well. I'm sorry _itoshii_…it was all we could do, telling you now." Miah stayed silent and Tala started to fret he'd lost her. Then she shifted and looked sadly at the tombstone. Realization flickered through her eyes.

"He's really gone, isn't he Tala?" she murmured. He set his chin atop her head and whispered, "Yes." No tears came but she couldn't hide her unbearable sadness that seared through her golden orbs, or her heart. Tala held her closer.

"I have to let him go, don't I?" she whispered back to him. He set his cheek against her head now and said quietly, "Yes. Or neither of you will ever be free." A sad smile graced her lips and she muttered, "I know how much he hated the chains he used to bare…I'd be doing the same, wouldn't I? By not letting go?" "Yes." He answered truthfully. The Chinese took a deep, shuttering breath and reached forward, stroking the name on the stone lightly, the smile still on her lips.

"_Hajimeru _(Go ahead) Kai. I'll meet you someday." Tala felt his eyes burn but quickly pushed the tears away. He had to be strong for her now. Kai would've expected that much of him. The two of them had been the best for each other; he knew it was killing her to do this. So he wrapped his arms around her a little tighter, comforting. She leaned back into his hold and rested her head on his shoulder, still gazing at the stone.

Tala looked up after a moment, smiling. "_Itoshii_?" "Hm?" she mumbled. "It's stopped snowing. The sun is even coming out." Miah looked around, amazed. The snow had indeed, stopped and the sun was blazing down through the gray sky as though trying desperately to catch up with the season. The snow on the ground shone like crystals and diamonds around them, glinting in the rays and sending a harsh glare into their eyes at angles. It was a beautiful sight, like a picture, she thought.

And when a little chirp caught her attention, she turned to look at a little white dove perched on the grave of her lover. It looked at her with bright black eyes and chirped again then flew away. A small, thorn-less red rose sat in its place, perfectly bloomed with a golden ribbon tied around its stem. Miah caught her breath and gently picked it up, staring at it. Tala watched with a smile and placed a coat around her slim shoulders, mentally making a note to feed the poor women fifty meals when he got her home.

"He's thanking you and letting you know he still loves you." he murmured softly. She smiled and this time it reached her eyes, lighting them up brightly. She looked at him and threw herself into a hug around his neck. He held her back and they stayed that way a while before he picked them both up and said, "Let's get you to my house. You'll catch pneumonia if you stay out here any longer. And don't you fall asleep either Tiger." She gave him a soft smile and a kiss on the cheek. "Thank you Tala. For everything." She sighed as she laid her head on his chest. He chuckled and replied, "No problem _itoshii_." Then he set off out of the graveyard.

Behind them a white dove watched from the tree above Kai's grave, it's crimson eyes shinning brightly with happiness. Then it lifted its wings and took off towards the heavens.

**-Owari-**

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...Yeah, that was weird neh? Sappy, angesty, and downright weird. ;; Meh...Oi, and as for TalaXMiah, I didn't really see that in this fic but if you want it can be. (Though if you're a major fan of Tala's and all you probably won't, haha. XP)

I know, I know, don't murder me because I killed Kai. I will probably do so again in the future if I ever write another angest. (Which are not my specialty, so it's quite rare that you'll see one from me. Not too great at them.) Oh yeah, and the dove's eyes...I purposly changed the color of them at the end, so that wasn't a typo mistake. It was on purpose. :-) Anyway, thanks for reading! 8P

-- Miah-Chan


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